Wednesday, March 01, 2006

I wanna give up

All I want to do right now is lay down and sleep for a day. I'm stressed to the breaking point. I'm honestly just tripping out in my daily life right now. I'm all stressed about these little projects, but instead of doing them I just keep stressing. I want to drop out of college and go home.

My life feels like a nightmare. I walk by people that I can't talk to everyday, exchanging shallow hellos or furtive glances. When I do talk, I exchange meaningless pleasantries boredly. I stink from not taking a shower, and I'm still sitting on the internet listening to mind-numbing music when I should be doing homework.

Yesterday, for a few sober hours, I felt like I'd moved past a barrier and finally became confident again. Then I took a couple more bong-rips and again sunk into philosophical, jittery oblivion.

Now I'm sober again, and starting to trip less. I'm beginning to take my fucked up existence for granted again, like we all do. But I still have this horrible fear in the pit of my stomach. The last few days have lasted forever.

I went to a psychological therapist yesterday, though. It doesn't look promising.

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